If feminists don't want to change their names when they get married, should they get married?
I'd say your question is based on an outdated world view and a gross missunderstanding of marriage.
- Marriage has nothing to do with the surname(s) of the couple involved. A successful, long lasting marriage takes a lot of love and a lot of work. This won’t be neither harder nor easier depending on your surname.
- You as a couple should have the discusion together and decide what works best for you, regardless of what others think or what society view as the norm. Even if you wish to have the same surname, why should it be the husbands’? My husband took my name so… yeah. Side note, he is also a feminist.
- In my country both partners get an engagement ring. I know couples who used necklaces, bracelets or nothing as engament “rings”. It's really not an issue. I'd say that in any functioning relationship you can have a discusion about it and decide what works best for YOU.