Should I be angry that my parents bought my sibling something that they made me earn?

Yes, this sucks and you are justified in questioning why. And I think you should ask your parents about it. But be cautious. You don't want to accuse them of anything, instead you would like them to explain.

“Mom, dad, when I asked you for a PS4 you made me earn it. I was able to achieve my goal and that feels good. But when sister asked for a PS4, you bought her one. Would you please explain so I understand your thinking?”

There are a few possibilities:

They forgot they made you earn one (Yes it happens)

They made an arrangement with your sister that you don't know about. (a reward for a goal, a loan)

Double standard might apply

When your parents discuss it with you avoid reacting if you get upset. Parents aren't always right but they may resist if you point it out by yelling. And in my experience you won't be able to make them change what they do. You goal in asking is to clarify and understand so that you can put your mind to rest on the matter.

Now, if it turns out your parents expect more from you than your sister, even though it's unfair, you are better off in the long run. As much as it sucks your parents are teaching you a valuable lesson in finances. Your sister is not getting the same lesson and that fact will bite her and your parents in the butt in the long run. Your sister is just learning to be dependent. You are learning to stand on your own two feet. Whatever unfairness there is in not supporting you the same way they do your sister, is more than made up for by your independence.

5 Replies to “Should I be angry that my parents bought my sibling something that they made me earn?”

  1. It really doesn’t matter.

    You ARE angry. It is unjust, unfair and it sucks.

    But anger nor blame never do a darn thing but make it harder to find out what the truth is—rational discussion will go much further.

    The first thing is to realize that there has to be some logic to the move, although it may only exist in their minds. It is unlikely that they are picking on you (although if they make a pattern of it, you might ask your school counselor or even doctor (they might send you to a shrink—but they don’t bite!)

    But for starters, the best thing to do anytime you are angry, or someone is angry at you and work out on paper, what the source is…

    Ask your parents to sit down and talk.

    Tell them that you feel angry (you are also probably sad, worried or even scared) about the situation, and you are very interested in understanding why they decided as they did?

    Parents are usually trying to do right by their children, but it often feels (especially as a teen, when EVERYTHING is dramatic!) like the world has collapsed.

    Perhaps they will be able to show you a rationale for their decision that you can accept (if not happily!) Or not.

    If it seems you are still getting shafted, talk to your favorite teacher or counselor—or any adult outside your immediate family whom you trust and like. It is always hard to find the truth in a mess that surrounds you, more eyes and ears is better.

    And, unfortunately, this will probably not be the first time you feel this way—life often grabs your hard work and smashes it—all you can do is die or move forward. Life will get better (and then worse) as that is what life is like. Find things and people you like and devote yourself to them. Find things to do that are creative and useful—people die without a purpose or reason—find yours.

    You will need your parents help and support, so communications with them is vital. Use whatever resources you have to keep that open.

  2. Yes. My husband’s parents did this to him constantly and he is still often bitter about it. It’s awful when parents play favorites. But you shouldn’t live in anger all the time, so get some counseling and learn how to get past it.

  3. Yes you have a right to be angry. However, don't let it come between the relationship you have with your sibling.

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