How to truly love and accept myself

Find a group of people who celebrate you rather than merely tolerate you. It's much easier to accept yourself when you are surrounded by people who see your value. If you love to sing, join a choir. If you love to read, join a book club. If you love to ski, join a ski club. Surround yourself with people who are likely to "get" you.

19 Replies to “How to truly love and accept myself”

  1. Everywhere you turn or click, you've got people telling you to love yourself just the way you are, and to be the best "you" you can be.

    That's great and all, but the idea of loving yourself unconditionally seems to be, often enough, kind of elusive.

    On certain days, in fact, it seems damn near impossible. So here are few ways you can leaen to treat yourself with the unconditional love you deserve:

    • Past is a history

    • Learn from your mistakes

    • Never expect too much it may lead to disappointment

    • No victory is too small

    • Respect yourself and others will respect you

    • Find yourself again

    • Make yourself a priority

    • Believe me you are fucking awesome

    And when you are truly in love with yourself there's no reason why?,you wont accept yourself.

    Focus on your abilities.

    “If you’re waiting to love yourself when you’re perfect, you’re going to be waiting forever”. So let go of perfection.

    Do something every day that makes you feel good about yourself.

    REGARDS 🙂 🙂

    Source:

    1. goodquote.com
    2. Instagram
  2. It sounds like you could have the concept of approval tied into your concept of acceptance.

    If you are able to separate the two distinct concepts, and they are indeed two very distinct concepts.   then what you are attempting to do, becomes possible.

    Removing the requirement to approve of things about yourself, and  concentrate on just acknowledging and recognizing you're traits that are not desirable allows you to bravely face them.

    This will require brutal intellectual honesty with yourself.   And probably a good amount of courage.   But it is absolutely necessary to become aware of things you don't like about yourself.    It's the first step in changing them for the better!

    It is OK to not approve of it,  follow the facts and use them wisely. No One is perfect and we all have flaws.

  3. In my country (the US) being skinny is EVERYTHING! In this country, it's far worse if you are fat. The United States does not tolerate fat people very well; especially fat women. But skinny women are immediately accepted, even if they aren't very curvy. If you're not good looking, there are things, even inexpensive things, you can do that would improve this. Doing some of these things (like learning to wear makeup, clothes, and hair) can help you to feel a bit better about yourself.

    However, the most important work needs to be done on your inside. You need to find the things that are unique about you and fall in love with those aspects of yourself. You may be kind-hearted and tender whereas many people in this world make living on this planet difficult because they are mean and rude to others. You may have certain talents and skills that many others don't have — learn to develop those.

    Also, I have found in my 54 years of life that many of the people I like best and even some of our leaders and famous people are not particularly good looking, but they do have a way of relating to other people that makes the other people feel good about themselves, that makes them feel special. Remember that all people want to feel special. If you are complimentary to people and polite toward them — if you ask genuine questions of them about themselves and their interests, people will like you and will perceive you to be even better looking than you think you are.

  4. I guess in life, there is no endpoint in learning to love yourself. Everything changes, including ourselves, and every external change make us change too. Bad things happen in turn with good things, but I guess when the bad times come you need more effort in loving yourself.

    For me, the first step in loving yourself is forgiving and accepting. Forgive all the mistakes you think you've made in the past. Accept yourself as a truly unique individual, therefore have different qualities that you may find comparable to others. In doing these things, you need more time to be alone. You need some tranquility so you can look into and communicate with yourself clearly. You don't need to argue against the internal voice who said you're not good enough, but you need to redirect such negative thoughts into something more positive. Turn those thoughts into motivation, maybe. Do something about it. By doing so, you can re-categorize your negative thoughts into something you can change and something you can't. Those you can't change? Most likely they're caused by overthinking and/ or inferiority complex. Let them go in peace.

    Second step, do things you really like. Find some things that you're comfortable doing them by yourself, and completing them gives you some sense of fulfillment. In my case, I read books and build LEGO blocks. Every time I finish a book or a project, I feel my sense of self improved. Doing these things require no approval from others, and you do these things for your own sake, thus making you closer with yourself.

    I am not encouraging in being an antisocial, because the trick is knowing the right balance between your social time and personal time. It would be best if you know your own way of having a quality time, both socially and personally.

    Another tips: don't do things in order to seek approval from others, including helping, loving, and other acts of kindness. Most of the time you'll end up feeling hollow. Been there. Still going there sometimes if I am unaware.

    And another one: it is normal, being ambivalent about yourself. Sometimes you love yourself, sometimes you loath yourself. The trick is don't let your feelings and judgments get too clouded with hype and emotional turbulence. Every time you feel out of control, take some deep breaths, and try to smile.

    Everything is well.

  5. When we look at ourselves, we tend to ignore all the parts of us that are “normal” and fuss over what isn't the same as the general population. But that's an automatically skewed picture, and honestly, it's a very selfish one. Because we don't acknowledge that we really don't know anything about other people. We only know what they let us know. We look at them and imagine how much they don't have any of our problems, but we don't care to know what​ problems they actually do have. That's because, like most people, we're so self-conscious that we blind ourselves to the facts.

    Nobody else is you, and every “normal” person you see has nothing to do with you. Nobody came into the world with the sole intention of being better than you, or showing you how to live. So you shouldn't act like you know anybody as well as you know yourself. What you see as “normal” is just the common features that most people share. But if you pick any of those people and really compare how “normal” they are, you quickly realize that you're lying to yourself and oversimplifying their lives and their issues because you've not bothered to ask the bigger questions.

    What is is about you that is not normal? How “abnormal” is it, really? What does your abnormality do to you? What does it have to do with anything or anyone else? What do you think happens when you've attained this perfect normalcy? Will you really be happier? Are all normal people really happy, or are you just assuming that are because you only know your own viewpoint? How do people become “normal” anyway? Do they decide to be normal, or are they just that way?

    The truth is that nobody is normal. There's no standard master plan for “normal”, and everyone you see is a mix of genetics and environment and upbringing. None of us decided how to be when we were born, we just showed up, found ourselves to be a certain way and rolled with it. Some people ended up in better circumstances, others didn't. That's because life is a chaotic system, and there's no order to what features you get and which you don't.

    So delete that concept from your head. It's when you constantly assume that everyone got some benefits that you missed out on that you feel unhappy with your life. You want what other people have, forgetting that for every thing you do have, there's someone out there who also wishes they had it. You are you, you will always be you. Whether you're black, white, male, female, tall, short, heterosexual, gay, asexual, whatever, those are just the features you got in this crazy unpredictable lottery called life. So take all those features, good, bad or ugly, and make it work.

    That's what we're all doing.

  6. How do you truly love & accept yourself?

    Well, I am not sure whether the person looking for answer to this question, has anytime swam.

    In swimming there is one of the easiest thing, but people take lot of time to learn it,To float.

    To float you have to just make your body free-fall back naturally in a very relaxed position, this is the trick to start loving yourself.

    The following will clarify

    1. Not getting unduly concerned , when you make mistakes
    2. Not trying to get approval, acceptance, admiration & appreciation from others
    3. Not being a people pleaser
    4. Not bothering about what others think of you
    5. Not beating yourself, if you have done anything wrong, but focusing on correcting it in the best possible manner
    6. Not letting other’s put-downers keep you awake
    7. Being able to let go of people
    8. Being able to forgive yourself
    9. Being able to forgive others
    10. Knowing you weaknesses & working on it
    11. Knowing your strengths and using it
    12. Not letting anyone’s opinion divert you from your dreams

    These are few thoughts to get started. To know the do it yourself completely, please visit my blog “How To Love Yourself Unconditionally To Create Wonderful Relationship with Others” on successunlimited-mantra.

    For your specific answers on your many day to day questions on almost any issues, please visit our both websites successunlimited-mantra[for personal, professional, business, physical, financial, spiritual transformation] & marriagesexlove [for relationship issues, love, dating etc]

  7. To love and accept yourself honestly speaking is easier said than done. But it is not an impossible feat and there are many who do it with aplomb.

    The first step for this is to make your brain accept the fact that no one and i mean no one is perfect. Every human being has their own shortcomings and will just have to live with it. So you too will have your own set. Find them and accept those as a part of who you are, keeping in mind that all around you does the same for something or another. Coming to terms with your own inadequacies will get you a long way with accepting yourself.

    The next step once you admit to yourself your own shortcomings is to explore on your strengths and virtues. Like a coin that has 2 sides, all humans too have a list of virtues to balance out their drawbacks. You just have to find and embrace them. Exploit your talents to your maximum advantage and that will do wonders in boosting your self confidence and in turn make you proud of yourself making you love yourself more.

    The next step has two parts. One is to admit your mistakes and learn from them. The next is to remember your achievements and their results. Remembering your laurels will help you understand your own value and your purpose in society. It will make the acceptance of your mistakes slightly less of a difficulty. Remember that to err is human and we are all humans. So never let ur mistakes be a reason to hate yourself. Instead use them as a catalyst to be a better person whom you can accept.

    The last step might be the most difficult of all. Here you will have to accept with humility and patience the advise that others have to give you and filter out those that will make you lead a life with minimal regrets. The next part is to accept that for every action there will always be an equal and opposite criticism irrespective of whether the action is good or bad. So you will at all times have to be ready to face the music. And lastly never let others get to you in a negative way. Use their words as the rocks for paving the path you wish for yourself.

    So live your dreams, embrace your life and you will learn to love yourself for who you are.

  8. Hi there! I know exactly how you feel, I'm always doing the same; it's really hard not to when we live in a society where gorgeous models are bloody everywhere. I suffer from depression and anxiety because of how I look and stuff but I'm getting better. I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with being skinny at all and I can 100% say that you are beautiful the way you are. You are you. No one else is like you, you're unique and so special. Comparing yourself to others wont go away straight away but by accepting yourself the way you are, it will get easier. Smile and tell yourself you are beautiful every morning and every time you feel sad. Oh yes and writing positive things down about yourself also helps so you can look and read them every time you feel sad. YOU'RE PERFECT x

  9. The thoughts of not being good enough are from your egoic mind. The role of the egoic mind is to find fault and to seek problems. You are not your mind. You are the one observing these thoughts. We all have these thoughts from time to time, but you are entertaining and agreeing with your mind.

    Realize that you are not your mind. Know that what it says is largely fiction. When the thoughts come up of not being enough, simply observe them and let them pass. Do not resist them, for what you resist, persists. And certainly don't agree with it. Just watch it as the separate entity that it is.

    If you can stay present, always being in this moment, that will help tremendously.

  10. Firstly, accept yourself for who you are. Only then will you will be accepted by others for who you are. Also, though no one is perfect, one should accept oneself as they are, yet strive to become a better person. So, tell yourself that you are pretty good (think over your strengths) the way you are, and practice positive thinking. The human brain gets easily influenced by how we think, so talk to yourself in positive ways. There are enough people around who'll be too happy to criticize you anyway. So, save yourself the self-criticism and accept yourself the way you are. Believe in yourself, before others start believing in you.

  11. Dear Anon,

    I  will let in you a small trait which I found useful. Firstly I would  like to let you know the good news! You have identified that problem.  That is a strong first step. Now the next and the most important  question to ask yourself at this stage is Have you done things in your life which you wanted to do or you were expected to do? You can involve one of your really good friends with to gain some  insights. Also, to give a better response, are you comfortable around  the people you are with? This is an important part of addressing your  problem too. By the word comfortable I mean, are you concerned or  conscious around them only? Are are you feeling the same when you are  alone or in the company of some other people?

    That  there will take you almost to the solution here, notice almost! Now  next step is the most difficult step. This involves taking actions  against your developed instinct against traditional or expected norms or  anything what you considered normal! Some might consider this extreme,  but hell with them! I believe you should go all in when you want to get  something! So hence one small way which I feel would be a good  beginning.

    One  possible way could be that to be crucially able to learn and contribute  as a health practitioner, you must able to put yourself out there with  the patients. You might be interested in visiting and being part of  medical camps which are conducted all across the globe. It would be nice  if you sign up with an organization and go around traveling to various  places and conduct medical camps to the not so privileged may be? I mean  it is real hard and tough work out there, but with the training and  perseverance you will have touched more live than you can imagine. May  be that will make you feel more beautiful, pleasant and make you love  yourself?! And it might also provide you the journey and perspectives  you might have not gotten otherwise. Meanwhile, identifying activities you enjoy doing helps a lot in the process, both in getting more comfortable with yourself and also in meeting like minded genuine people!

    Just my two cents! Hope this helps!  🙂

  12. Let me start by saying, this is tough. I grew up in a loosely held together family with a father that was a drunkard and a dirty cop, and my mother was a daycare teacher. My father was EXTREMELY controlling and down putting, to all of us. He never raised me, he only acted upon things my brother and I did that angered him, and would lash out in rage, not to train us up in the right way, but simply because he was angry. And on top of this, he was very short tempered. I grew up walking on eggshells and it has impacted me in every other aspect of my life. I have had an extremely low sense of self worth and a low self esteem because of all of this. It has opened doors for others to walk all over me because I let it happen and never stopped it, yet I have had 3 jobs (I’m 19) and always outworked every other coworker I’ve had, not out of character, but because I was afraid that I was not valued by my superiors. I think that it is worthwhile to note that I am 6′7″ and more muscular than most, and yet I still felt this way. The only One who has freed me from this is Jesus Christ. About a year ago I gave my life to Christ and was saved from my sin. I had never thought that I would be able to come out of the life and mindset I was trapped in. I definitely recommend getting to know our Lord and Savior. He is the only way you can be fulfilled and to accept yourself completely for who you are. I hope this helps you! God bless you!!

  13. Since I was a2a, reading from your bio:

    The end goal is to live without sex and relationships for the rest of my life and be my own person and be proud of who I am. I honestly believe that goal is achievable. I also think the rewards of this sort of life speak for itself- I'm honouring completely who I am, I get complete freedom and independence, the chance to really do something with my life, but most of all the satisfaction of knowing that I'm being true to myself.

    This seems to be inconsistent with the details provided in this question. Obviously your previous statement contains wording indicating an incontrovertible truth, that now is in question.

    I don’t know you and I don’t know the parameters of asexuality. Getting a definitive answer here is unlikely. You obviously have conflicted emotions that should be addressed with a qualified psychotherapist; not that they will cure you, but they will guide you toward self-awareness.

    I don’t know if it is relevant, but this book discusses early childhood experience and how it affects future behavior:
    Perry, B. D., & Szalavitz M. (2006).The boy who was raised as a dog: And other stories from a child psychiatrist's notebook child psychiatrist's notebook–what traumatized children can teach us about loss, love, and healing. New York: Basic Books.

    Your bio also states that a failed relationship affected you deeply. Welcome to the real world. Shit happens, get over it. As I understand it, masturbation has physiological benefits, if not psychological benefits. And, while procreation is a major factor in survival of the species, it is not a sign of inferiority to not procreate.

    One question that occurs to me is: Why force yourself to be one thing or another? Why not live your life without artificial boundaries? For many, sexuality exists more on continuum rather than being one way or another. Allow yourself to find your own path, without deciding that you must be one way or another. And allow the world to unfold as it will, taking advantage of opportunities as they arise. How knows? The person you never expected to meet may come into your life. There is a discussion of sexuality here: http://www.quora.com/If-homosexuality-is-a-physiological-condition-like-autism-and-Down-syndrome-then-why-is-it-considered-wrong-to-try-to-cure-it/answer/Dan-Robb-2

  14. Sam, as I always say, “you can’t make someone love you.”

    The same goes for loving yourself.

    This is a summary of what I know about love, only when it goes well.

    I will explain what happens to people that love each other, and this exact process is the same when we learn to love ourselves.

    Love is a feeling of affection that grows over time. It is first built on appreciation and attraction. Then it grows by prolonged shared experience and a growing sense of wanting to be present with the other person. Over time a fondness and cooperative instinct characterizes an endearing feeling of respect, friendship, and mutual “pleasance making.”

    None of us our perfect, but we get to know each other so deeply that we accept one another’s failings with tolerance and sometimes even with amusement. Acceptance entails knowing the other well, honestly, and in a loyal, but forgiving way that is unique to this one special relationship.

    Practically speaking it also means that we can exchange angry words in fits of brutal honesty or passion driven dishonesty. Love is a passionate time when kind intimacies are laid bare and open to the other to injure. This makes it important to maintain a short memory that doesn’t keep score.

    A recognition of this bond is why husbands and wives can’t be compelled to testify against each other. When we love someone we naturally are willing to suffer for them, and this can include stupid suffering too. This is the course of loving that makes us depart from rational and even credible behavior.

    The relationship becomes more important than we feel about our own well being. Just like mother’s and father’s often feel about their children.

    Our acceptance of the other is to magically support and love the person past whatever obstacles or trouble they face. It is strongly rooted in a belief that whatever we encounter can be overcome with the power of love.

    Love has a higher zone than just acceptance and appreciation. It is accomplished above and beyond what goes right or wrong. It heals us in ways that are inexplicably lovely.

    We can’t do it as well by ourselves. But, it also can’t happen unless we can behave in lovely ways either. We must behave in loving ways to ourselves first, in order to know what being lovely to others actually feels like.

    If we can’t act lovely to ourselves and others, there is little hope that the love will ever grow past the simple zones of appreciation or acceptance.

    In short, our inability to act lovely stifles our knowledge of love itself. Since, we have never felt it in full, we don’t know how to present our self to be loved either. But, if we can develop just a fraction of the honesty and loveliness required for ourselves, we can naturally learn to apply this to someone special.

    Love takes just a small opening to breakthrough. Unless we are certain a defiantly think we are not worthy of being loved. Just as love is a free gift and no one can make us love, the same is true about loving our self.

    So, the test is “Can I act lovely to my self?” If we can, then we have learned some of what it takes to act lovely to someone else. Lovely comes before loving.

    So, this is how we love each other and ourselves, by rendering an acceptance that is designed to be rejuvenating, helpful, and blind to repeated failures for just one more try at making everything good. If a failure occurs, a new second chance is granted by the lover.

    Too often we think there is a point when we are justified in quitting on love, due to the terrible things that have been done. This is an excuse for people that never fully committed to being lovely or really loving. The best they ever did was to mutually make pleasure. This dooms love to only living in relatively good times.

    Love is probably the strongest emotion we can feel, and always comes from a bond that has surprisingly grown into a life-long commitment.

    It is my opinion that many individuals don’t truly get to know themselves, and are caught up in self judging as a means of succeeding. They don’t get themselves to a place where they either accept their failures, forgive themselves as a means for granting a second chance, or even appreciate how wonderful and unique they are among other people that walk the world.

    The chase for success won’t out last the “predictably unpredictable” moments of failure and self imposed feelings of unworthiness. As, if love was a temporary condition that comes as goes based upon achievement.

    Love does get past affection, if it is actually based upon self satisfaction and “school grades” of achievement.

    Love grows via jointly surviving some overwhelming failures. Therefore, we don’t stop with any event, and we rely most on our love to take over when things get bad. This is when people fail and quit, but love stays lovely and prevails.

    This method of struggle doesn’t allow an opportunity for appreciation, love, or commitment to build. And, therefore becomes a painful paradox of unfulfilling and impossible self improvement. Criticism needs just 2% of our focus to help. Anything more than that is just punishment, which is counterproductive and makes us unnaturally weak.

    Lovely partners always want the other to be strong and ready to do their best in life’s challenges.

    So, we can’t appreciate ourselves, if we can’t act lovely. And, that makes it nearly impossible for anyone to get close enough to know us and ever appreciate, forgive, inspire, or love us either.

    Every relationship that we end up in is limited by the absence of love and cracks under the stresses of failure. We don’t realize that we actually prevent our own forgiveness – and thereby rob ourselves of our chance to redeem our hopelessness through during our worst days.

    So, we are the ones that are 100% in charge of being lovable, and lovely.

    Good luck, Mac

  15. By realizing that it is negative, nay-saying, overly critical people in your past has instilled this belief in yourself that you are not enough.

    Who the hell do they think they are trying to make you feel bad about yourself?

    Tell yourself, the only person whose opinion actually matters is YOURS.

    Then systematically tell yourself that you ARE in fact good enough. Look in the bathroom mirror and say it, over and over, believing it.

    Keep at it for long enough and you will accept yourself for who you are.

  16. You have in a way answered your own question. You keep comparing yourself with others.
    Lets talk of good looks. You don't  see a sixty year old man or woman and think of looks. Unknown ones don't even register. Only people who have been good to us matter.
    In short chiseled features and a dashing demeanour may only get you a girlfriend or boyfriend, nothing more.
    Once you are past that youth stage, people only respect you for your intelligence, achievements, hard work and above all a good heart which we donot inherit but will have to cultivate.

  17. Do you have a choice of whether to accept yourself or not  ?
     Jot down your strengths and weaknesses .
    Accept them.
    Identify situations where you can turn weakness into strength.

    A few quotes will be worthwhile in accepting your as you are:


  18. Tell yourself that it is rational.
     
    Accepting yourself as you are right now is the only way to bring about useful personal change and seeing things clearly to make the right choices. Accepting yourself is only the pragmatic thing to do.

  19. How do you know when someone loves you? Someone who loves you is truly interested in your well-being (physical survival) and your emotional and mental development (learning). This is the only definition of love. If one doesn’t contribute to your survival or learning one doesn’t love you.

    Now, ask yourself “Do I contribute to my own well-being and learning?” If the answer is no, start doing it. Start ‘water’ yourself with compassion. You will know you love yourself when you find yourself taking care of your health, your appearance, your diet, your education, your feelings and your mind.

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